we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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