She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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