I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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