he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
