dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
