i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
