I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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