Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize