I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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