All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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