So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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