Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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