I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
