shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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