we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
