I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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