i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
