I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
