he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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