My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
