It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
