Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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