Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize