i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
