ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Houston, we have a squirter
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
