Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
