By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
