Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
