Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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