I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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