One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
