1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
