I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We just shotgunned beers for America
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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