i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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