I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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