My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
