what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
