Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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