Soap is not a condiment
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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