He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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