it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
