I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
