Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
