so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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