i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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