this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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