I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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