He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
