I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
