its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i think i just lost a toe
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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