I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
