The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
