this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
