i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize