once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
