I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
