Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
