Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
