I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
