went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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