I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
