Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
