I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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