i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize