Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
