I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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