you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
