In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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