your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
