So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
