I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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