I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
