nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
