he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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