Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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