Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
