I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
